The Home Stretch

Last Day at Onamia High '09

so this is it. the final two weeks of my college career. where did the time go?? i know everyone says that college will go faster than you can imagine, but i don't think you really understand that until you live it. at the beginning of this year i remember talking to kaitlin about last chances. last opportunities. i get that we are only 21, but there is this finality that comes with graduation that gives me a sinking feeling like the world is coming to an end. this feels eerily familiar to high school graduation where i remember sitting in the hall at OHS, eyes swollen from hours of crying, and reminding each of my friends how much i loved them and couldn't imagine life without them every step of the way. we blared vitamin c's "friends forever" on repeat.. talk about rubbing salt on a wound! graduation was supposed to be a time of celebration, but i remember it better as a time of torture, like someone ripping off a band-aid before i was ready. i remember thinking, and truly believing, that i would never find friends closer than the ones i had at onamia. after all, they knew me day in and day out for 18 years. i couldn't replace them, and i prayed to God that they wouldn't replace me.

This is as Good as it Gets

four years later, i am realizing that at 18, i didn't have a clue. i had no idea what it meant to work hard for good grades. i had no idea what it meant to love a team more than i love the sport. i had no idea what it meant to really look up to someone. i had no idea what it meant to let myself be so vulnerable with someone that i could let them hurt me. i had no idea what it meant to have a best friend. i had no idea what it meant to feel so broken, betrayed, confused, and alone that there was nowhere to turn but to God. i had no idea what it meant to hurt for someone else. i had no idea what it meant to trust.

after four years, i can't say that i know any of these things, but at least i have an idea.

someone has to come knock me to my senses because i have that feeling once again that nothing can top this. like somehow i managed to peak at 21.. oofta.